Tuesday, July 20, 2004

'no belief should cost you nothing'
Wow, its been awhile...
The beauty of the Canadian summer is that although the season is short (really, 4 months of great weather) the days are incredibly long. In the last month, my wife and I have watched the sun go down around 11:30 a couple of times driving to Edmonton and back, played golf at 6 in the morning, and have seen more hours of daylight in the yard putting stuff together (sprinklers, fence, etc) than we have in years.
Work is good, work is bad. I keep thinking of a couple of shots I have seen on gapingvoid about quality and effort. Hope I don't screw my people over like that.
Life is not working quite the way I would imagine. My addiction still controls a good chunk of my late nights, and I just can't seem to get around it. I have to soon. I have a child on the way in Dec, and the kid won't need a dad that is this screwed up...

Monday, June 14, 2004

I turn 38 this fall. I have been spending a little time reflecting on what I have learned (FYI. Not everything in life is learned by watching Star Trek). I have some unfortunate conclusions...

1. People are driven by survival instincts. We are built to want to live. The ultimate thing here to remember is that this means that in the end, people will screw you over when its in their interests. If you don't believe it, give it time, and you will have the joy of experiencing it...

2. Time is irrelevant when referencing growth. I have met a spate of really mature teenagers. Conversely, I have met a flock of idiot 40 year old people. Stupidity is not inversely proportional to time.

3. Grace is frighteningly close to being wasted on us. I don't think we have begun to value it enough.

'no belief should cost you nothing'

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

I get to manage my world at times. I get to hire people I think will do well, and people I like. Every now and then, I get a "request" to interview someone. I had that happen recently. If it does, that usually means "hire this person, please." I had misgivings, but we hired him. Its nice when these things work out. I may never have to write code again....

'no belief should cost you nothing'

Saturday, May 29, 2004

Growing up is something we think we get done when we hit 20. I am in my late 30's now, and keep thinking that I should restart the process. I have struggled with an addiction for almost 20 years, and I think that I have begun to realize that I am not going to solve it on my own.

I keep thinking that if I can break the cycle, I will be okay. But no matter how long I break the cycle for, I don't get better. Sooner or later, the urge hits and I need relief, so I re-enter the cycle.

Supposedly being smart and relatively successful, I keep thinking that I will eventually change. However, to change requires effort. Today, I am making the effort to avoid the problem. This time I am doing it by blogging. Maybe if I take my mind off the problem (or the cravings in this case), I can start to win.

In the end, I know that as a Christian, I am supposed to rely on Christ in these things, but I do a pretty lousy job of it. So now, I have decided to fill my life with two things: prayer and scripture. We are supposed to "set our minds on things above." Maybe if I fill my life with healthier things (or habits), the self destructive habits will diminish.

'no belief should cost you nothing'

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Ah, high school....

My 20th high school reunion was this weekend. I thought "Hey, what the heck, I will go." In some ways, I should have thought this through a bit more...these people are still in high school. Especially the ones smoking pot outside and laughing nervously about it. They are not smoking up to get relaxed, they are smoking up to be defiant...too bad the ones they want to defy aren't there...also the ones who were there to meet each other that still think they are too cool for this make me laugh. Its 20 years. You aren't cool or hip anymore. You're nearly 40. Give it up.

The upstart from my point of view was the joy of meeting a woman (I keep on thinking of her as the girl she was 20 years ago) who was a great person to talk to. I thank Tina for really making the weekend.


'no belief should cost you nothing'

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

I changed the name of the blog today to reflect a subtle change in attitude...

I called it the hollow land because I feel that most of the things we do in this life have no meaning, value, or worth. Hollow actions in a land of no meaning...

A friend challenged me on this the other day. He suggested that was a pretty selfish approach to life. I was focused on the negative. Change your attitude.

Okay, but what did he suggest?

We got to talking about the early monastic movement, how people set aside this worlds values for God's values. There is a set that started wearing a homespun robe to signify that they valued nothing outside of godliness. Maybe its a bit pretentious, but we'll go with The Monk's Habit for now...

'no belief should cost you nothing'

Monday, May 10, 2004

One fire at a time
I find that most of us are trying to do everything at once. The result is a mediocre soup of stuff that is neither palatable or useful. In my work, I find that I have several people pulling me several different ways at once, meaning that I never do one thing well, but rather that I do several things "ok".

I am trying desparately to change our culture here to let people finish what they started....

Okay, having said that, I gotta go crank some Van Halen

'no belief should cost you nothing'

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